It is really common to see founders using objects, fruits and vegetables, and animals as the main mascot of their brand. It has been so common that you probably don’t pay attention anymore so much there’s in the market. But if we strictly stick to the crypto industry, dang, that’s a hell of a mess.

With the rise of DeFi two years ago we saw an uprising of dApps to farm tokens. A 3.0 version of the gold rush from applications with various thematic names, starting with Uniswap which was the leading decentralized app at that time. Then Sushiswap came, ctrl+c and ctrl+v the original code and offered as a bonus to each user a “governance” token. Well it did not end well for the former founder, Chef Nomi, but this is another story.

While Sushiswap was trying to drain the liquidity from the first one, a wave of food related theme dApps was trying to flood the market with brand as Yam finance, Pickle finance, Gelato, Kebabswap, Burgerswap, Pancakeswap, Bao finance, then we had the hype with animals, like Apeswap, Panther, Elk, Pangolin, DuckyDefi, Autoshark, Kryll, and much more. 

Besides the lack of imagination, and the poor copycats, all these protocols have one thing in common, the core idea of trading or swapping tokens. All of them coming from Uniswap and its unique mascot, a Unicorn, which is more or less, a gay version of a pony with a dildo on its forehead. 

Months later we saw the arrival of 1inch which was in the first place a DEX aggregator, in other word, an application which helps crypto traders swap their tokens in a central (not centralized) application without looking for best trading pairs and avoiding slippage. And guess what? 1inch used as a mascot, a freaking Unicorn. It’s like Huawei copying Apple using an entire apple, instead of a half eaten one. 

We saw an uprising of projects, JPEG collections and blockchain games related to either ponies, horses or unicorns. Does it betray a lack of interest of parents to their kids that never get a pony for christmas? Or are they trying to recreate a safe space in their adult life which desperately misses the security of a magnificent and powerful animal such as a horse? 

With the recent allegations about new Sushiswap CEO, Jared Grey, we were starting to think that the crypto industry might have a severe fetish with horses. The flood of memes towards this complete shitshow unveiled a prolific yet very disturbing imagination about the crypto space.

Long story short, Sushiswap members voted to elect a new Head Chef, and Jared was the chosen one. Everything could have stopped here and Sushi continues to hit the road, but there is always more to the story. It appeared that Jared was involved in multiple scams, also with a 14 years old teenager. But more to that, Sushiswap’s new CEO might have had an intercourse with a horse. Browsing internet for the past 18 years had strengthen my mind and spirit, but every time I hear a story like that, my “What the fuck” sense triggers me.

As it was too big to be true, I had to ask Jared about these allegations. Even if he would have denied it I had more materials to investigate. I’d chatted with him and he kindly gave me all the answers I was looking for. In the meantime he released a full statement on its medium leading to an IMDB page of a homonymous Jared Grey who appears to be a porn actor whose main movie looks like a gay porn version of SAW, called Pornography: A thriller. Even the trailer was painful to watch. And as you can imagine I had to look for another Jared Grey, which led me to another porn actor. After a few videos I had to admit that I didn’t find any horse even if the third Jared was pretty good at riding. 

Jared Grey is a common name — there is a male porn star with my same name. He asked me to buy my Twitter handle and reached out to me a few years ago. The video of the horse fingering, if it exists (I’ve never seen it before), is probably a video produced by Jared Grey, the porn star, and not myself.

Jared Grey, Sushiswap Head Chef

What led to such drama and above all, allegations of fingering a horse? It could have been more believable to state that he did a cameo in “2 girls 1 cup” at least it may have put back under the lights one of the worst yet most popular scatalogical porn videos ever.

All this imagination about horses in the crypto industry is still very scheming but not baseless when you pay attention to some party promoters. Recently 1inch organized a BDSM party at DappCon22 in Berlin. I don’t mean to beat a dead horse even though people are free to do whatever they want with their asses, it seems that people of crypto have fetish like everyone else.

For the record bestiality is still legal in West Virginia and New Mexico. Just sayin’